Five Years, One Goodbye, and the Love That Finally Came Back to Me

  


Go Mun-yeong in It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Five Years, One Goodbye, and 

the Love That Finally Came Back to Me

They say time heals.

But sometimes, time just teaches you how to hide the bruises deeper.
Five years.
Five whole years of bending, breaking, believing that if I just loved harder, stayed longer, gave more—maybe things would change.

But no amount of love can heal someone committed to misunderstanding you.
No amount of hope can turn lust into loyalty.
And no amount of begging will ever make a heart stay that was never yours to begin with.

Leaving wasn’t just walking away from a relationship.
It was walking away from a version of myself who couldn’t tell the difference between being needed and being loved.
I mistook their presence for peace.
I mistook the way they pulled me close for intimacy—
But deep down, I knew.

We weren’t making love.
We were filling voids.

And the hardest part to admit?

“You did it for release. I did it for connection.”
You touched my body. I opened my soul.
You wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel safe.
And somehow, I thought we were being fair.

I gave that part of myself because I thought it meant more to you.
I thought giving you all of me would show you how deeply I loved.
But I realize now—I was the only one loving.
I gave something sacred in hopes you’d give something back.

But what I got in return was silence. Detachment. Emptiness after the high.

And that emptiness stayed longer than you ever did.

After I left, the silence was brutal.
I couldn’t scroll without crying.
I couldn’t sleep without remembering the way you used to turn away from me the moment it was over.

But instead of filling that silence with distractions… I sat with it.

I sat with my rage, my grief, my longing.
I sat with the memories that kept haunting me at 2 AM.
I sat with the shame of giving too much and the confusion of why I still missed someone who never made me feel safe.

I sat with my feelings, even when they hurt.

Because healing is not pretending it didn’t hurt.
Healing is letting it hurt, and not running away this time.

And in that brutal silence, I heard the truth:
I deserved better.

Not just a better relationship—but a better relationship with myself.
One where I don’t have to question if I’m worthy of being cherished.
One where I don’t confuse attention with affection.
One where I don’t trade my softness for scraps of intimacy.

I used to fear being alone. Now, I treasure it.
I eat meals slowly. I light candles just for myself. I make playlists for my moods. I laugh in the mirror.
I’m finally creating a life that doesn’t require someone else to make it feel full.

“I’m learning to sit in the stillness.
To stop begging noise to drown out the truth.
And the truth is—I never needed them to complete me.
I needed me, all along.”

To the girl who once begged for scraps,
To the version of me who thought love meant sacrifice,
To the body that held pain disguised as passion—
I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I didn’t leave sooner.
I’m sorry I kept trying to fix what was breaking me.
I’m sorry I blamed you for being too much, when in truth, you were always just right.

Now, my love has new rules.

If it doesn’t feel safe, it’s not love.
If I can’t be soft in your presence, I don’t belong there.
If you only want me when it’s convenient or physical, you don’t get to keep me in your life.

Because the next time I give my body,
it will be to someone who already sees my soul.

🌿💔✨
To love yourself first is not selfish—it’s sacred.
And now that I’ve tasted peace, I will never settle for chaos again.

Here’s to the goodbye that set me free.
Here’s to the loneliness that taught me self-respect.
Here’s to sitting with my feelings—
because they are finally safe with me.

-------

✅ Join My Free Weekly Growth Emails A free weekly email for your personal growth journey. Every week, I’ll share a quick hit of real talk, reflections, and mindset tools to help you grow from the inside out. Think of it as your midweek check-in — honest, motivating, and made to move you forward. 💌 One email. Once a week. No fluff — just fuel for your evolution. 👉 Just click the link below and sign up — it's totally free. 🙌

SIGN UP FOR FREE

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fake It ‘Til You Make It: Embracing AI, Authenticity, and the Journey of Growth

Image
  Interstellar 2014 Fake It ‘Til You Make It: Embracing AI, Authenticity, and the Journey of Growth It’s a phrase we’ve all heard before: Fake it ‘til you make it. Cliché, right? But hidden in that cliché is a quiet truth we often overlook: everyone starts unsure, afraid, and uncertain. Most of the time, we don’t feel ready. And sometimes, the only way to move forward is by pretending we know what we’re doing—until we actually do. At First, It’s About Showing Up It’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about becoming someone you’re not yet. If faking it gives you the courage to show up, to try, to learn—then fake it. Do it. Because the act of doing builds momentum. And momentum creates growth. The difference now? We’re living in a world where technology—especially AI—can support us as we step into the unknown. AI Isn’t the Threat—It’s the Assist AI is evolving. And it’s changing the game. Whether you’re writing, designing, managing, or building something fro...
Read more

The Grace in Letting Go: A Love Letter to the Ones Who Walk Away

Image
Go Mun-yeong in It's Okay Not To Be Okay The Grace in Letting Go: A Love Letter  to the Ones Who Walk Away We live in a world that glorifies endurance. We're taught to keep pushing. To stay, even when our bones are tired and our hearts are slowly breaking. We romanticize the grind, idolize the struggle, and praise the ones who never give up. But no one ever talks about the ones who quit. The quiet ones. The ones who stood in front of everything they once prayed for and whispered, “I can’t do this anymore.” They weren’t weak. They weren’t lost. They were brave in a way we rarely recognize—because sometimes, the strongest, wisest, most soul-saving thing you can do… Is to walk away. Letting go doesn’t always come with a bang. Sometimes, it’s not some grand explosion or final breakdown. It’s quiet. Private. Intimate. It’s a whisper you almost ignore because it feels too painful to accept. "You’ve outgrown this." "You’re not happy here anymore." "...
Read more

Why I Sometimes Feel Like People Are Intimidated by Me

Image
Amy March Little Women 2019 Why I Sometimes Feel Like People Are Intimidated by Me Have you ever found yourself wondering, "Why do I feel like people are secretly intimidated by me?" Especially in group settings, like with classmates or workmates, where social dynamics are subtle but powerful? If so, you’re not alone. This thought came to me during a group meeting where, despite not saying much, I could feel a certain energy shift. Not negative, but also not warm. Just... different. That moment spiraled into a flood of thoughts. Was I giving off an energy I didn’t mean to? Was I being too silent? Too assertive in past conversations? Or maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t about them at all—it was about me. The truth is, that thought led me down a path of honest self-reflection that I’m learning to embrace more and more: I am strategic when it comes to how I present myself. I don’t always want to be seen as the most capable, the most intelligent, or the most put-together—even if I am ...
Read more